Dealing with an a player's parent?...

[Can of Corn]

Hello all,

I was wondering if anyone had any advise on dealing with the parents of players. I have one kid who hasn't made but 2 practices all year, and has missed 65% of the games. This kid's parent wants their kid to play 3rd base, and was very aggressive towards me when I put the player at short fielder. (behind 2nd base). at one point I thought he was going to try to get physical with me. ( on top of it, this is the only player that hasn't paid the league fees)

Anyway, I don’t think it is fair for me to displace my third baseman that has been to every practice, and every game, for a player that has only showed up to 5 of 17 games.

I am not a very aggressive person, and I am having a hard time dealing with this one parent.

Any advise?

Thanks,
Can

[W_Marone]

I worked at a summer camp the last two summers, and I had to deal with some things with parents as well. The best thing to do with them is probably speak somewhere in private, sit them down and explain to them why thier kid isnt playin thirdbase, explain the practices missed, the fees, etc. I'm not sure if youve tried that but that would be my suggestion, do it without the child there too. Its not a place for him to be during a disscussion like that.

[W_Marone]

I must add, it truely is a shame when parents get involved with thier kids, there is too many instances where a parent got in a fight with another parent/coach over their kid not playing. C'mon parents it's about teaching the kids sportsmanship and the fundamentals, its not about playin a position, theres time for that in highschool and further. It truely is a shame when you hear about parents and coaches ruining things for the kids. Like that story where the coach payed the kid to hit a mentally handicapped kid so he didnt have to play him. Stuff like that makes me sick, let the kids play. Sorry abotu getting off topic, had to vent.

[TonyK]

For future reference, it is a good idea to hold a parents only meeting sometime during your first practice week. Provide handouts of practices and games, plus include what your philosophy is about things like playing time, practices, what positions they play, and what goals you hope to achieve. That is the time to determine who your assistants will be, the team mom, and the scorekeeper. Give everyone your cell phone number, home phone number, e-mail address, and even work number so there is no excuse for you not knowing if someone is going to miss a practice or game.

Try to explain to the parents of this boy how missing games and practices hurts the overall team. How is their son supposed to know what to do in a play if he missed the practice when you covered it?

Ask for the payment and if they cannot give it to you go to the league treasurer and explain what the reason is. That shouldn't be your problem as the coach. Good Luck!

[ragweed]

Deal with this up front and direct. Its a shame you got in to the season at all with this one.

The kids are great...the parents are crazy. It's been like that for a long time. UNfortunately the parents are getting crazier every year.

[Ursa Major]

Can, you don't say how old the kids are; since you're playing with a short fielder, I'm assuming it's at most an 8 and under league. Kids should be moved around to the various positions at that level anyway with only a little reference to skill. (However, if you're using hard balls, third base can be dangerous for a kid who's unprepared.) I'd ask the Dad why the kid isn't there; if it's a parent issue, it's hard to fault the kid too much. If the kid just begs off practice and games and the parents acquiesce, then maybe the kid should suffer some of the consequences. But, I'd give him at least some time in the infield. Third base is often a safe spot when the other team's weak hitters are up, as they usually won't pull the ball much.

TonyK has it right; the parents should be told at the beginning of the season what your philosophy is on playing time and positioning, so they have no one but themselves to blame if the kid doesn't get his time in.

A great resource for this kind of thing -- heck, for youth coaching in general -- is Jake Patterson's book on Little League coaching. It's called How To Coach Little League Baseball: A Short Easy To Follow Guide On How To Begin Your Little League Coaching Career, and you can buy it for $14.95 or just download it as an Ebook for $8.95 here:
http://www.booklocker.com/books/1534.html

(Jake's a regular here and offers great advice, but he's too modest to pimp his book the way it deserves to be.) It covers all those parent and organizational issues far better than any book I've seen.

[Can of Corn]

I kind of inherited this team. The official coach lost interest.

I will checkl out Mr. Patterson's book

Yeah... most of it seems like common sense, but sometimes the darn trees get in the way of seeing that forrest.

Thanks everyone for helping me see the forrest again.

Can

[Whitesoxnut]

Back when I coached I would tell them if they opened their yap again the kid is off the team.

[Hammerin Hank]

Back when I coached I would tell them if they opened their yap again the kid is off the team.

You do seem like the kind of person to say that. I bet you'd get your block knocked off.

[swingbuster]

TonyK has it right; the parents should be told at the beginning of the season what your philosophy is on playing time and positioning, so they have no one but themselves to blame if the kid doesn't get his time in.

Works pretty good for " normal people". When you run into a real bad case nothing works and they are out there.

[Jake Patterson]

Can, not an unusual problem - those who give the least many times expect the most. I am assuming this is a young child so the responsibility of getting the child there lies with the parents. Attached is a section on how to handle difficult parents from my book How to Coach Little League.... Bear in mind if the parent is aggressive and you are concerned for your safety I would definately have someone standing by. I wouldn't gang up on him/her as this sometimes makes the parent more aggressive. Take a look at the attach and see if it helps. If you want a copy of the book let me know.

9689

[Can of Corn]

Good stuff Mr. Patterson. You will hear from me in the future.

[Jesse]

If it were me I would calmly tell him that the kids who come to practice are going to get the key positions, and we already have a third baseman. I would also let him know that if he doesn't agree with my coaching style he's free to request a different coach next year. I would be professional but matter-of-fact.

I'm also not a confrontational person by nature, but I've found that by keeping things cordial and sticking to my guns I've been able to turn some pretty ugly situations to my advantage. The trick is not to lose your cool, which will only escalate the situation, but also not to back down or be intimidated, which will only encourage them to push you harder. When they realize they can't rattle you or make you change your position, a lot of times they'll just leave you alone. A bully wants to instill fear and control other people, and this guy sounds like nothing more than a grown up version of a bully. If you don't give him what he wants hopefully he'll back off. If not, there are other avenues you can take like involving the authorities. I shudder to think of the example this guy's setting for his kid.